| |
| |
|
Coaching Information |
|
|
|
Happiness and Work: Your Life Depends On It.
Early one morning, Robert awoke, made his wife of 41 years some banana bread, took out the garbage and called to cancel a doctors appointment scheduled for the next day. He wrote a note to remind his wife to pick up the dry cleaning. All things considered, it seemed like a normal day. Robert had "retired" four years earlier after nearly 40 years doing what he loved in the banking industry. After retirement, his life took a challenging turn. While he remained friendly and encouraging to others on the outside, on the inside he was suffering a deepening depression. After retirement, Robert couldn't find anything to replace the meaning and fulfillment that work provided him. And this void was slowly killing him. So on that "normal" morning, Robert cleaned up the kitchen after finishing baking his wife the banana bread. Then he drove himself to the parking lot of the bank where he had worked all those years. After carefully parking and locking his car, he walked into a local store and handed a note to the clerk behind the counter. Then he walked outside and shot himself in the head. He ended his life with one bullet at 1pm on a blazing sunny day. Robert was my dad. Your happiness is your responsibility A few years back, when I decided to leave corporate America after 25 years, I thought I had learned enough about mid-life and work. After all, I was in the middle of my Ph.D research on what happens to mid-life adults when they leave the security of the nest to follow their hearts and their life's calling. I had coined a new term, ''Vocational Passion,'' to describe this alignment of passions, abilities and interests. I had started a new on-line community at www.thevocationalcoach.com, and I wrote a book, ''P Is For Perfect: Your Perfect Vocational Day'' in an attempt to boil down this research in a practical 10 step model. Yes, I had thought, with my corporate background, various degrees, new clients, new office, workshops, public speaking gigs and a burning desire to make a difference in the world, I had learned enough. I was wrong. The biggest challenges were still ahead. So as I struggle to make sense of his death, I also am finding new strength in my own work, helping others to find meaning and fulfillment in their vocational lives. This is especially so in mid-life, which can be the most threatening period of all. When my dad lost his purpose for living, he also lost the will to live. Fortunately, most people don't take this action to end their own life but many people shoot themselves in the head emotionally, continuing to work at jobs which no longer provide meaning or passion or fulfillment. It doesn't have to be this way. With this article, I am hopeful, maybe one life can be saved as a result of acknowledging that depression may be a symptom of not living a life filled with purpose, meaning and fulfillment. As a result, a call to action is a must. As the psychologist Carl Jung said, mid-life is a time to listen deeply to your heart. Whether we plan for this or not, midlife can be a period of transition and reappraisal. More inner questioning can occur. Career plateaus can be reached during this period, which drives a need for internal insight and reflection. Those who don't invest in time for self-reflection in mid-life may experience increased stress and other distress signals. The sense of crisis may vary from one person to the next. For those who do experience stress, making changes in mid-life is never easy or without challenges. Can you make the difficult choices? Making work-related change in mid-life to pursue a dream or passion generates a lot of issues. I have observed in working with my own clients that these issues generally fall into three categories: emotional, relationship and financial. Am I good enough? Can I can give myself permission to follow my heart? What will my loved one's say? If they don't agree, do I dare test a relationship or rock the boat at this point in my life? Despite all the "sound" financial advice to save for retirement, do I instead invest in myself now, thus perhaps turning my financial world upside down. Are my loved one's willing to make this sacrifice? What if they are not? These questions will all come up. One will feel selfish and may well be accused of being self-indulgent of self-absorbed. Well, mid-life is a time to be selfish. This isn't about change for its own sake, but to position oneself for the second half of life, to be authentic and to shred external views and norms. During this time, it doesn't help that society's view is the general belief that work continues to be something not necessarily to be enjoyed. As a result, most career theory and research has supported this notion by largely ignoring the enjoyment factor. Even counseling psychology has largely followed the same path. The focus has been on matching skills and available types of work. While this can be helpful for younger adults, in mid-life internal needs, desires and passions beg for attention. While society expects those in mid-life to simply roll over and prepare to die or retire (I am not sure which is worse) many in mid-life actually begin to wonder how they can start living. For many, it is a re-birth with new wisdom and self permission to follow your heart. Economic conditions can force people to ignore their inner needs and take jobs they don't like to pay the bills. This only helps to further ignore your inner needs. Jung believed that ego was important for development in the first half of life but in the second half, ego should step aside for humility. Achieving vocational passion requires looking inward to understand what brings you the most enjoyment in your work. As a result, you can begin to understand the relationship between achieving greater meaning and the way you choose to conduct your life. It takes action to follow your vocational passion. I am not convinced that money can buy happiness at mid-life, but I am convinced that happiness can increase the richness in your life. We each get to define what that means. It all starts with a simple re-examination of what you have done, are doing and might do vocationally in the second half of life. In mid-life and later, it's critical not to ignore your heart. In mid-life, it may be the most consistent thing in your life when everything else seems in flux. Sadly, Robert wasn't able to do this. My wonderful grandmother who lived well into her mid-90's used to always say to me, "Bagel (that's what she called me) just do what makes you happy." I think now, I finally understand what she meant. About The Author Craig Nathanson is The Vocational Coach? and the author of, P Is For Perfect: Your Perfect Vocational Day by Bookcoach Press and the publisher of the free Ezine, ''Vocational passion in mid-life''. Craig believes the world works a little better when we do the work we love. Craig Nathanson helps those in mid-life carry this out! Visit his on-line community at http://www.thevocationalcoach.com where you can sign up for his next teleclass coming up on October 7th!
MORE RESOURCES:
Coaching - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Difficult Challenges? -- What If? Sometimes life can seem like one long series of unsolvable problems. I know there have been times when I would much rather find something else to do and quit whatever I was doing simply because it was too much trouble to continue. How to Deal Effectively with Anxiety Every human feels anxiety on occasion; it is a part of life. All of us know what it is like to feel worry, nervousness, fear, and concern. The Joy of Learning! "Part of what motivates me to write this book is a concern that we've lost touch in education with the sheer joy of what it means to learn something new." -Thomas Armstrong, Author, Awakening Genius in the ClassroomI think I was around 6 years old, when my mum decided to put me into Piano class. How To Increase Your Coaching Record By At Least 25% "How can I become a better and more effective coach?" We hear this question frequently and there's obviously more than one answer. Today, let's explore one aspect of better coaching. A World of Possibility When I started my sales career over 25 years ago, I worked for a small company selling telephone answering equipment. Hard to believe it but in those days I had to explain to prospects what the equipment was for and why they might want to use it. 7 Destructive Habits of Incompetent People WARNING! If you want to have a fantastic life, never engage yourself in these 7 deadly habits that incompetent people do. NUMBER 1 - They Think, Say, & Do Negative Things. Lessons from Donald Trump and The Apprentice: A Career Coachs Perspective What can we learn about careers from watching Donald Trump and The Apprentice?1. Recognize that job tests don't always correspond to job realities. Get Out What You Put In! During a recent coaching session with Mark, I was briefly reminded of how it feels to give your all to your business and have it spit in your face."I just don't get it! I'm putting all my time and energy into this business, and I'm still scraping by. Its Not What You Think My work in organizations involves dropping habitual ways of perceiving in order to contact a fresh and subtle perceiving "under the surface" of what is going on. That deeper sense of perceiving allows the emergence of what I call the Engaging Leader, or the genuine expression of myself and the collective. 7 Steps to Take Control of Your Life Taking control of your life is getting in touch with your values, setting meaningful goals and identifying your vision. To be in control of where life is taking you means being more productive, dealing more effectively with stress, having the ability to solve problems, handing change and developing healthy optimism. Purpose Many people go through much of their lives without really thinking about their purpose. I don't mean a lofty, philosophic, and often unrealistic purpose that has us striving to save the world or solve the challenge of poverty throughout the world (although these are both admirable for those whose true purpose is to do so). Are You Worth Investing In? Do you realise that if you're green you're growing and if you're ripe you're rotten? So says Winston Marsh, Business Marketing Guru in his recent newsletter.Here's an excerpt from it . Media Underload! The Stress Reducing Psych-Diet The war, taxes, the economy, increased health problems, crime on the rise, overwhelming divorce rate, corruption in corporate America, and, oh yes, Janet at the Super Bowl! Where does it end? With so much going wrong, whats going right in the world?It is times like these that I find myself mired down in the muck spewing forth from every media outlet. Like water dripping on a sponge, this negativity begins to seep in and pervade my thoughts and influence my reactions to the world around me. How Not Letting Go of Your Past can Hurt Your Future Experiences, whether good or bad, are sometimes all we have, and most of them reside in the past. So you may ask, why should I let go of my past when much of it is filled with beautiful memories and serenity?Well, that is certainly not what I mean. How to Coach Yourself! Some people are not in a position to work with a coach right now. Some are stretched financially, while some are still using the "lone ranger" method. Do You Need a Performance Coach? In today's fast paced world, we are often confronted with the issue, "I want to get in shape, but I just don't have the time!" We all have faced it at one time or another. So, when we finally decide to get in shape we go to the gym, and then another decision hits us. A Small Piece Of Carpet Have you ever noticed how the way you feel about yourself sometimes depends on whether or not you get confirmation of your value from others? When you enter into challenging situations with a positive self identity you will discover that you are living your life with a greater sense of enjoyment and fulfillment.I have learned a lot about nurturing a positive identity of love and appreciation from the man who taught me to train dogs. The Value of Coaching to Support Your Business and Your Life In our daily lives as well as in our businesses, we typically operate from the perspective of doing the best we know how to do in dealing with life's challenges and opportunities. If we knew what it would take to be more effective in our relationships, more productive in our activities or more successful in reaching our goals, we would surely alter our behavior to correspond with these insights. Good Communication is Easy - Isn't It? My name is Steve Brummet and my business is to speak to businesses, teams, schools, churches, non profit organizations and just people about improving their communication skills. Most communication experts agree that good communication starts with understanding. Kabbalah Coach: Love the One Youre With IntroductionEvery one of us came to the planet to figure out how to experience love in the human form. It is amusing to observe all the ways we try to find love, especially since most of us don't even know what we are doing.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2008 |
