| |
| |
|
Coaching Information |
|
|
|
Assertive Communication: 20 Helpful Tips
Most of us know that assertiveness will get you further in life than being passive or aggressive. But few of us were actually taught how to be assertive. Here are some helpful tips. 1. Choose the right time. Imagine you're dashing down the hall on your way to a meeting. Lisa passes by. You call out, "Can you have the Microsoft project out by Tuesday?" Because you haven't scheduled a special time to bring up the issue, Lisa has no reason to think your request deserves high priority. 2. Choose the right place. Discuss important issues in a private, neutral location. 3. Be direct. For example, "Lisa, I would like you to work overtime on the Microsoft project." Whether or not Lisa likes your request, she respects you for your directness. 4. Say "I," not "we." Instead of saying, "We need the project by Tuesday," say, "I would like you to finish the project by Tuesday." 5. Be specific. Instead of, "Put a rush on the Microsoft project," say, "I would like the Microsoft project finished and on Joe's desk by 9:00 Tuesday morning." 6. Use body language to emphasize your words. "Lisa, I need that report Tuesday morning," is an assertive statement. But if you mumble this statement while staring at the floor, you undermine your message. 7. Confirm your request. Ask your staff to take notes at meetings. At the end of each meeting, ask your group to repeat back the specifics that were agreed upon. This minimizes miscommunication. 8. Stand up for yourself. Don't allow others to take advantage of you; insist on being treated fairly. Here are a few examples: "I was here first," "I'd like more coffee, please," "Excuse me, but I have another appointment," "Please turn down the radio," or "This steak is well done, but I asked for medium rare." 9. Learn to be friendly with people you would like to know better. Do not avoid people because you don't know what to say. Smile at people. Convey that you are happy to see them. 10. Express your opinions honestly. When you disagree with someone, do not pretend to agree. When you are asked to do something unreasonable, ask for an explanation. 11. Share your experiences and opinions. When you have done something worthwhile, let others know about it. 12. Learn to accept kind words. When someone compliments you, say, "Thank you." 13. Maintain eye contact when you are in a conversation. 14. Don't get personal. When expressing annoyance or criticism, comment on the person's behavior rather than attacking the person. For example: "Please don't talk to me that way," rather than, "What kind of jerk are you?" 15. Use "I" statements when commenting on another's behavior. For example: "When you cancel social arrangements at the last minute, it's extremely inconvenient and I feel really annoyed." 16. State what you want. If appropriate, ask for another behavior. ("I think we'd better sit down and try to figure out how we can make plans together and cut down on this kind of problem.") 17. Look for good examples. Pay attention to assertive people and model your behavior after theirs. 18. Start slowly. Express your assertiveness in low-anxiety situations at first; don't leap into a highly emotional situation until you have more confidence. Most people don't learn new skills overnight. 19. Reward yourself each time you push yourself to formulate an assertive response. Do this regardless of the response from the other person. 20. Don't put yourself down when you behave passively or aggressively. Instead, identify where you went off course and learn how to improve. Garrett Coan is a professional therapist, coach, and pscyhotherapist. His two New Jersey office locations are accessible to individuals who reside in Bergen County, Rockland County, Essex County, Passaic County and Manhattan. He also offers online and telephone counseling services. He can be accessed through http://www.creativecounselors.com or at 201-303-4303.
MORE RESOURCES:
Coaching - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Do You Dither in Your Job Search? I looked up the definition of "to dither" before writing this article. It is to be agitated and in a nervous state. Media Underload! The Stress Reducing Psych-Diet The war, taxes, the economy, increased health problems, crime on the rise, overwhelming divorce rate, corruption in corporate America, and, oh yes, Janet at the Super Bowl! Where does it end? With so much going wrong, whats going right in the world?It is times like these that I find myself mired down in the muck spewing forth from every media outlet. Like water dripping on a sponge, this negativity begins to seep in and pervade my thoughts and influence my reactions to the world around me. It's All To Do With The Way You Wake Up Do you start your day with anger, frustration and annoyance at the alarm and the need to get up? Do you wake up hoping the day will go away and you can get back to sleep? Have you lost the fun? The confidence to have a go at things. Are you struggling along? Are you just going through the rituals of life? Are you just doing enough at work? Doing what is necessary because you think you 'ought, should, must do this for the sake of others? Do you feel all washed up and no one is interested in you? Do you feel devoid of vibrancy, and sense of purpose, an aimless victim buffeted by the winds of change? It's all to do with the way you wake up. Pecked to Death By Ducks Ever been in a situation where it seems like minor criticisms are all you hear? Sure, there are things you could improve, you know that . . How Not Letting Go of Your Past can Hurt Your Future Experiences, whether good or bad, are sometimes all we have, and most of them reside in the past. So you may ask, why should I let go of my past when much of it is filled with beautiful memories and serenity?Well, that is certainly not what I mean. More Money & Less Stress? At 2pm last Wednesday, I got a call from one of my clients. Before I could barely utter my "hello," she launched headlong into her story - "I am so frustrated! I have this client who has been dragging her feet at every stage of our project. Beware of Psychic Vampires I am often asked how I stay happy and motivated all the time. The answer has two parts to it; positivity and self-talk. Receiving Thanks and Praise - The View from the Other Side We demand more from those who provide to us and because we are frequently in roles which deliver goods and services ourselves, we are on the receiving end too - of complaints, frustrations and generally poor behaviour.Why is it that when we are on the receiving end, we miss the fact that we ourselves, when we hang up our service-provider-hat at the end of our shift, often end up as 'customers behaving badly' too?Why do we take our own frustrations out on others, the way it has been taken out on us? Why do we sometimes become the Hyde from our normal Jekyll?So, when someone goes the 'extra mile' to say 'Thank you', or appreciate the actions you have taken? What do you take from that and how do you react? You feel good, I guess. The Executive Coaching Contract Having found a coach you feel comfortable and excited about working with, the next step is to discuss and sign the coaching contract or agreement. This is vital to ensure that both coach and client are clear from the outset about what is expected. Whats Next Syndrome Terms like Postpartum, Post Traumatic and Post Gulf War are all well-known Syndromes - mysteries no longer to the medical community or even those of us who count ourselves among the great unwashed. We hear and read everyday about the negative outcomes from life-threatening trauma. If I Only Had a Heart I know you probably have heard of the movie, "The Wizard of Oz" right? Well, for those of you, who have somehow managed to miss this movie, let me give you a brief description of it.A young lady named Dorothy is upset with her home life and decides to run away. Addiction to Thinking Randall sought my help because he was stuck being miserable and had no idea how to get out of his misery. In his life he had experienced moments of great joy and sense of oneness with all of life, but those moments were infrequent. Do You Trust Your Mentor(s)? It is better to suffer wrong than to do it, and happier to be sometimes cheated than not to trust." - Samuel JohnsonI was on a tele-seminar recently with International Health Coach Jeremy Likness and he asked a very interesting question about Trust. 5 Tips to Improve ANY Performance Seeking improved performance at work? Wishing you could finally achieve your sports-related goals? Merely looking for a way to get more out of everything you do? What follows are five basic skills (basic in that all top achievers know these skills and apply them in some form on a weekly basis) that will dramatically improve your performance.1. How to Quickly and Easily Deal With Rude People Where I live there seems to be a a growing population of rude and vulgar people. And no matter how hard I wish for things to change it is not going to happen. Coaching Skills and Positive Motivation There is one important point that is often missed in the discussion of Coaching Skills: Effective coaching is a great deal more than just problem solving. Many people misinterpret coaching as only a corrective process aimed at specific error and deficiencies of an individual. Mentors and Coaches: How to Find a Great Mentor A career coach or mentor is a person who can guide you with the benefit of their experience. He or she may be someone more senior from within your organisation or someone external to your organisation who has been successful in the field or skills you want to develop. Sorry Dr Maslow, I Think You Got It Wrong In the 1950s Abraham Maslow published a book entitled " Motivation and Personality" in which he outlided his now famous Hierarchy of Needs. Over the years since its publication Maslow's work has gained wide acceptance as a tool in understanding human motivation. How to Kill Fear When Dealing with Aggressive People The book Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers is regarded as a self help classic. Have you read it?I read it many years ago and I was disappointed by the content of this book that has helped a lot of people take control of their fears. Seeing Your Energy At Work Our bodies are made of pure energy. With Quantum physics we learn that the cells of our body are made of molecules, which are made of atoms, which are made of sub-atomic particles.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2008 |
